Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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