I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
