how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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