My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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