woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Everyone says I win the strip club
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize