I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Randomize
