Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
