sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
