my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
