dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
