she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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