Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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