do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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