how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
