I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
