All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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