Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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