You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I want a musical about memes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
