haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
