...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize