the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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