my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
