First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
