I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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