i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it's great music for shaving your balls
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
