We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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