You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
