if you like me you must not know who I am
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
