the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize