So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
