Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
