OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my shit smells like andre
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
