My Higher Power is John Stamos
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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