she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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