does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
