The maid of honor just puked.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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