I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
