I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
