watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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