So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
