I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize