Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
