Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
