Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
