so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Girls should come with a carfax report
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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