dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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