just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
