So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
