i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
