You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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