On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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