No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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