there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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