Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
