what day is it and did you see me today?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
