woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
