I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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