Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
