What did we do last night that was yellow?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
