I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
