u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
