can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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