Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
