We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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