The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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