I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Please, let me fuck your mom
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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