He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
