Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
