I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
