No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
